The Power of a Request. The Art of the Ask.

Take a look at the use of requests in your business or personal life. Are you missing an opportunity to create a new future? Are you disappointed with the results you are receiving due to unpowerful requests? Are there broken promises, failed commitments and agreements, and dissatisfaction in the coordination of action of your teams?

Requests are a way we can exercise power and possibility to influence the future. If you want someone to do something or change his/her behavior and you make a request, and the person says Yes – and carries out the promise – your request has become a catalyst to create a different future than was likely possible if you had not made the request. A powerful request can be generative of a new outcome. A powerful request contains components that when agreed upon and carried out, help elicit a result that is more likely to satisfy the intention of the requester.

Whether in a business or personal setting, we often make requests without fully thinking of “what would have to occur for me to feel my request has been correctly completed”? In other words, have you thought out the details of what you want and conveyed to the requestee – your conditions of satisfaction for the request? How often do we think/say – No – that’s not what I wanted; I wanted it done this way. The budget is submitted late, and you realize you were not clear in giving the time deadline. You made a request over your shoulder on the way out the door and never received a clear Yes response. You have a new person on the team, and you did not account for needed training so that he/she understands the context of your request.

There are different types of questions. A request is a type of a question. A question may be defined as a sentence or expression designed as a method of gathering information. “What is your birthdate?” “What is your address?” “What time will you arrive?” Compare those with a question prompting you to do/stop doing something.

A demand may be disguised as a request. If you are pulled over by the police, he/she may say, “May I see your license and registration”? A demand has a higher measure of negative consequences if the responder says no. Google defines a request as “an act of asking politely or formally for something.” As compared to the definition of a demand, “an insistent and peremptory request, made as if by right.” There are more serious consequences if you fail to provide your license and registration when asked.

The success of old-style demands disguised as requests in the workplace has been waning, particularly with the infusion of millennials in the workforce. The baby boomers were used to being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and doing it. There weren’t as many welcome opportunities either at home growing up or for employees in the business setting for replying with a “No.” The generation Xers were more likely to say “Yes” with caveats according to their own preferred time and methods of action/results. The millennials are a new breed of collaboratives. They want a genuine request, the clear components of what you want as the outcome, the opening to add in their own two cents, recognition throughout, and the true ability to say No. Complicating matters further, technology-attached people often have great difficulty in verbally making a request or asking a simple question for themselves!

I was coaching a millennial in public speaking skills. She was assigned a new project/new responsibility. For many weeks, she did not work on the project; she avoided meetings, and evaded responding to any requests for progress reports. When I asked her what was the issue, she responded, “They didn’t ask me if I wanted to take on this project and responsibility.” Once they conferred with her and explained that she was selected according to her talents, she started working on the project with new attention and success. She wanted to be asked.

When I was growing up, my parents never asked me what color did I want my room; what did I want for dinner; where do I want to go on vacation; what did I want to do on Saturday, etc. The younger generations are involved with so many more aspects of their lives, with their parent(s) as personal assistant, driver, planner, often according to the child’s whims. So when these bright, engaged young people go into the workforce, they want to be conferred with! They have been consulted with since birth. They want to be asked and they want the ability to help determine the outcome.

I was prompted to write about this topic of requests while walking my dog. I couldn’t help notice the decline these past months in recycling participation across the three condo complexes in my neighborhood in East Bradenton. When Manatee County changed the day of recycling from coinciding with a regular garbage pickup to a separate day, I noticed a decline in the two blue recycling bins put out alongside the trash cans. I noticed cardboard boxes piled high next to the trash cans rather than on the new recycling day. In my opinion, people didn’t want to bother taking trash out on separate days.

With the introduction of single stream recycling this year, Manatee County has a 75% recycling goal by the end of 2020. However, with this process, a 64-gallon cart was delivered (replacing two 18-gallon bins) without a preliminary inquiry – A Request – asking people if they had room for the cart in their garage and/or if they would keep and USE them. A high number of people in my neighborhood are refusing the carts completely. They don’t have room for it, or they don’t want to make the room, and we cannot keep it outside. Since I am a recycling advocate, I made an offer to my two neighbors to share my recycling cart (since they had both refused theirs). They both said Yes.

What different response and participation would be received if the County had asked regarding the size? What if they had given an option of a smaller cart? What will happen to the County’s recycling goals? Many companies are using surveys as a way of collecting satisfaction and experience information after a customer service interaction. What wisdom would they collect if they asked for information right on the spot or made requests before rolling out a new process?

Introducing the distinction of making powerful requests (and offers) and practicing the art of the ask is one of the tools ontological coaches* bring to their clients. Cultivating awareness of making purposeful requests and learning the components of powerful requests can catapult you and your business into creating a new future.

Robin Fernandez NCC, PCC is a trained and certified ontological coach through Newfield Network and a credentialed professional coach by the International Coach Federation. *Ontological coaches help individuals/leaders and teams develop awareness in how they are “being” to evoke new actions that produce transformational results. Please contact Robin to hear more about learning development that empowers your leaders and teams:  www.natureofbeing.com.

The “Right” and “Wrong” Way to Utilize DISC and Other Assessments

DISC is a behavioral/communication measuring tool that can be a great catalyst for developing personal and professional awareness in self and interaction with others.  It can give leaders, managers, and teams excellent insights into how to evoke more effective communication, develop emotional intelligence, assign people with job duties, generate rapport with clients, benefit sales conversations, reduce conflict, and increase understanding and connection.

DISC, along with Job Benchmarking, Motivators, Competencies Skills, EQ, and other surveys, can help H.R. staff and companies hire the “right people for the right jobs,” dramatically increasing job effectiveness and reducing the costs associated with a “miss-hire.” Assessments can assist in developing career paths that align with people’s natural styles, and provide guidance in creating a training path to develop new areas to stretch and strengthen a leader/employee.  

“Right Way”:

Some key components that are imperative for a positive and beneficial experience in utilizing DISC and other assessment tools the “right way” are:

• Understanding and determining your/the organization’s reasons and desired results from using assessment tools;
• Vetting the assessment company and assessments themselves to ensure that the company and surveys meet rigorous and perpetual standards of excellence in research, analysis, validity, adverse impact studies, case studies, scientific and detailed support for their assessments;
• Using a trained professional in the debriefing, reviewing, and application of the results with continuity in training, coaching and/or consulting for leadership/management development,
  team building, hiring, communication, etc.; and
• Understanding that they are “assessments,” which may be defined as a judgment, idea or opinion about something (or someone), and are very well utilized as part of the total hiring decision.

“Wrong Way”:

Here are some examples of how DISC and other assessment tools can be used the “wrong way”:

• Selecting a DISC/assessment tool based on lower price and/or with little or no investigation as to the validity of the instruments;
• Not asking for an adverse impact study (that holds up in a court of law); a valid adverse impact study shows that the assessments closely follow guidelines of the EEOC, stipulating that organizations use reasonable efforts to remove biases in their hiring process. Valid, vetted pre-employment assessment surveys, that do not discriminate in age, race, gender, culture, and other factors, should actually minimize liability risks by making the selection process fairer and more objective (rather than just using interviews which can be more subjective). Prospective employees have won lawsuits regarding misuse of pre-employment surveys when the hiring organization was unable to produce a valid adverse impact study from the assessment company;
• Spending money (and time) on employees taking assessments and then minimally or not fully applying the results to new learning, awareness, creating new habits in communication effectiveness, building the team, developing the leader/manager, etc.;
• Using invalid, incomplete DISC/assessment tools can do more harm than good because the results are not trustworthy;
• Having unqualified debriefing or little/no reviewing of the reports, resulting in misapplication, using “styles” as excuses in behaviors, pigeonholing people as “a type” and thus mislabeling as incapable of doing or being something outside their “type;” pinning people against each other rather than aligning, balancing, and encouraging the benefit of all types of staff to the organization.

To recap, in order to derive the full merit of these potentially insightful, highly valuable tools:

• Request a DISC assessment experience for yourself with a trained professional who can explain the results in detail and demonstrate the validity of their tools. Request and review white papers, ongoing research, adverse impact study, as provided by the assessment company;
• Work with the trained coach/consultant/trainer to discuss the desired outcomes in using the assessment tools and to formulate a plan for their application – leadership/management development, 360 reviews, team building, sales/customer service goals, public speaking/presentation skills, hiring, organizational culture review, workplace stress assessments-wellness initiatives; and
• Periodically reassess that your current assessment tools are still meeting your needs, validity standards, and being applied to their fullest benefit.

These measures will ensure that the investment that you and your organization put into the assessment tools in money, time, and people-resources will be returning an excellent value toward accomplishing your goals, maintaining the company’s mission/culture, and increasing your bottom-line by contributing to quality and care in delivering your products/services to your clients.