Take a look at the
use of requests in your business or personal life. Are you missing an
opportunity to create a new future? Are you disappointed with the results you
are receiving due to unpowerful requests? Are there broken promises, failed
commitments and agreements, and dissatisfaction in the coordination of action
of your teams?
Requests are a way
we can exercise power and possibility to influence the future. If you want
someone to do something or change his/her behavior and you make a request, and
the person says Yes – and carries out the promise – your request has become a
catalyst to create a different future than was likely possible if you had not
made the request. A powerful request can be generative of a new outcome. A
powerful request contains components that when agreed upon and carried out,
help elicit a result that is more likely to satisfy the intention of the
requester.
Whether in a business or personal setting, we often make
requests without fully thinking of “what would have to occur for me to feel my
request has been correctly completed”? In other words, have you thought out the
details of what you want and conveyed to the requestee – your conditions of
satisfaction for the request? How often do we think/say – No – that’s not what
I wanted; I wanted it done this way. The budget is submitted late, and you
realize you were not clear in giving the time deadline. You made a request over
your shoulder on the way out the door and never received a clear Yes response. You
have a new person on the team, and you did not account for needed training so that
he/she understands the context of your request.
There are different types of questions. A request is a type of a question. A
question may be defined as a sentence or expression designed as a method of
gathering information. “What is your birthdate?” “What is your address?” “What
time will you arrive?” Compare those with a question prompting you to do/stop
doing something.
A demand may be disguised as a request. If you are pulled
over by the police, he/she may say, “May I see your license and registration”?
A demand has a higher measure of negative consequences if the responder says
no. Google defines a request as “an act of asking politely or formally for
something.” As compared to the definition of a demand, “an insistent and
peremptory request, made as if by right.” There are more serious consequences
if you fail to provide your license and registration when asked.
The success of old-style demands disguised as requests in
the workplace has been waning, particularly with the infusion of millennials in
the workforce. The baby boomers were used to being told what to do, when to do
it, how to do it, and doing it. There weren’t as many welcome opportunities
either at home growing up or for employees in the business setting for replying
with a “No.” The generation Xers were more likely to say “Yes” with caveats
according to their own preferred time and methods of action/results. The
millennials are a new breed of collaboratives. They want a genuine request, the
clear components of what you want as the outcome, the opening to add in their
own two cents, recognition throughout, and the true ability to say No.
Complicating matters further, technology-attached people often have great
difficulty in verbally making a request or asking a simple question for
themselves!
I was coaching a millennial in public speaking skills. She
was assigned a new project/new responsibility. For many weeks, she did not work
on the project; she avoided meetings, and evaded responding to any requests for
progress reports. When I asked her what was the issue, she responded, “They
didn’t ask me if I wanted to take on this project and responsibility.” Once they
conferred with her and explained that she was selected according to her
talents, she started working on the project with new attention and success. She
wanted to be asked.
When I was growing up, my
parents never asked me what color did I want my room; what did I want for
dinner; where do I want to go on vacation; what did I want to do on Saturday,
etc. The younger generations are involved with so many more aspects of their
lives, with their parent(s) as personal assistant, driver, planner, often
according to the child’s whims. So when these bright, engaged young people go
into the workforce, they want to be conferred with! They have been consulted
with since birth. They want to be asked and they want the ability to help determine
the outcome.
I was prompted to
write about this topic of requests while walking my dog. I couldn’t help notice
the decline these past months in recycling participation across the three condo
complexes in my neighborhood in East Bradenton. When Manatee County changed the
day of recycling from coinciding with a regular garbage pickup to a separate
day, I noticed a decline in the two blue recycling bins put out alongside the
trash cans. I noticed cardboard boxes piled high next to the trash cans rather
than on the new recycling day. In my opinion, people didn’t want to bother
taking trash out on separate days.
With the
introduction of single stream recycling this year, Manatee County has a 75%
recycling goal by the end of 2020. However, with this process, a 64-gallon cart
was delivered (replacing two 18-gallon bins) without a preliminary inquiry – A
Request – asking people if they had room for the cart in their garage and/or if
they would keep and USE them. A high number of people in my neighborhood are
refusing the carts completely. They don’t have room for it, or they don’t want
to make the room, and we cannot keep it outside. Since I am a recycling
advocate, I made an offer to my two neighbors to share my recycling cart (since
they had both refused theirs). They both said Yes.
What different
response and participation would be received if the County had asked regarding
the size? What if they had given an option of a smaller cart? What will happen
to the County’s recycling goals? Many companies are using surveys as a way of
collecting satisfaction and experience information after a customer service
interaction. What wisdom would they collect if they asked for information right
on the spot or made requests before rolling out a new process?
Introducing the
distinction of making powerful requests (and offers) and practicing the art of
the ask is one of the tools ontological coaches* bring to their clients. Cultivating
awareness of making purposeful requests and learning the components of powerful
requests can catapult you and your business into creating a new future.
Robin Fernandez NCC, PCC is
a trained and certified ontological coach through Newfield Network and a
credentialed professional coach by the International Coach Federation. *Ontological
coaches help individuals/leaders and teams develop awareness in how they are
“being” to evoke new actions that produce transformational results. Please
contact Robin to hear more about learning development that empowers your
leaders and teams: www.natureofbeing.com.
