The Illusion of Scarcity

I was walking on the beach one day when a very loud squawking overhead grabbed my attention.  I looked up to see a small bird with a fish dangling from its mouth, being chased by a flock of seagulls.  The chase continued on and on for some time – with the bird being pursued engaging in some amazingly quick flight patterns to outmaneuver the other birds.  I thought why doesn’t the bird just eat the fish, thereby ending the chase?  Is the bird so focused on frenetic flying that it can’t enjoy the catch?  More importantly I pondered – in the time the other birds spent chasing, they could have devoted that energy into finding their own meal.  How often do we want someone else to do the work for us?  How frequently do we long for what someone else has and expend more time and energy into being jealous and wanting to take it away from them – when there is a whole world of goodies – abundance everywhere, available for each of us if we recognize it?  Technically, there is plenty of everything for everyone, particularly because not everybody wants and needs the same thing.  Too often we want to ride on the coattails of someone else’s talent, someone else’s money, their friends, their accomplishments – when we have talents and abilities of our own to uncover, discover, and put into action.

Lessons from my Flower Garden

I have become aware of a feeling that I experience at various and sometimes odd moments in my life – a feeling that may best be described as sweetness.  It may occur when I’m doing something simple or I’m having a moment of appreciation.  A subtle yet powerful feeling of active contentment, being in the now, yet somehow filled with hope that the future I long to create is being created, is working, is forthcoming.  I would like to experience this feeling a lot more frequently.  When I am in a brief moment of this sweetness, I feel trust, faith, and a distinctive knowing that I have the ability to create my soul’s desires, and I feel assured that it is actually happening.  All this is a very fleeting moment of sweetness.

On the Right Road

After meeting with an acquaintance in Loveland CO, she suggested I take a different road back to Boulder, and said I would see signs for getting onto the highway. I drove for some time, and started to wonder if I had missed the turnoff.  I didn’t see a sign.  Maybe there wasn’t a sign? Without a GPS or a map in the car, I turned around and drove back quite a ways.  I took another road briefly – and knew that wasn’t correct since I was driving toward the mountains, and they should have been on my right.  I called a friend and discovered I had not traveled far enough.  I drove back onto the first road, and realized the sign for the highway was just a little past where I had turned around.   

I thought about the significance of this and wondered how many times have I done this in my life?  How many times have I turned around, doubting that I was on the right road?

Be Like the Trees – Always Share Your Gifts with the World

I was receiving a coaching session about my frustration that my motivation, attention, and output of my talents waxes and wanes – Sometimes from day-to-day, sometimes from moment-to-moment.  When I more immediately see the benefit to others or receive compensation from my work or talent, my desire to continue the output is much stronger and more sustainable.  I want to maintain my motivation and creativity whether or not I am receiving outside influences or acknowledgement at that particular moment, and to continuously enjoy the process of being my gifts.

The coach assisted me in tweaking a declaration and a new body stance of opening and outpouring my gifts to eagerly awaiting receivers.  The image of a tree frequently comes to my mind when I coach others, as it did this time.  I love the image of a tree because it has roots that go down into the ground and branches and leaves that reach toward the sky.  I relate this to our connection to our vision/sky, and maintaining grounding/roots to enable us to bring the vision into reality in the world.  A tree gives many gifts to us.  A tree provides shade, absorbs carbon dioxide, ozone, and other air pollutants, and gives off oxygen.  They save on energy costs and control storm water. A tree exemplifies beauty, and offers shelter and sustenance for animals and birds.  It provides fruit and nuts/nutrition to us.  And who can quantify the soul-enriching essence of trees?  Serenity, harmony, strength, longevity, inspiration.

I had a realization - Trees never withhold their gifts…A tree won’t say, hey, you are not appreciating me and noticing the lovely shade I am bringing you, so I’m going to fold up my branches and see how you like the sun beating down on you today!  Trees are giving all the time they exist.  

Make a Request – Change the Future

Requests are a way we can exercise power to influence the future. If you want someone to do something or change his/her behavior and you never ask for anything different – it is very likely that nothing will change. If you do initiate a conversation and make a request that he/she stop doing or start doing something and that person says “Yes,” now there is a possibility for creating a new future.

I was presenting for a film class at a local college. The students were gathered outside the classroom within the library, and I observed the following. One of the library staff came up and said to the students – this is a quiet area and your talking carries through the library and downstairs; there isn’t supposed to be any talking in this area. The students glanced blankly at the gentleman and continued their conversations. The staff member spoke with a student assistant who then came up to the students and nicely said – could you please move out of the hall into this room so that your conversations will not be heard in the library. The students complied immediately. There was a clear request, direction, and even a reason (stating the outcome if they comply). Learning to make more powerful requests can change your life and those who commit with a resounding yes in response.

“Get to the Verb” – Meaning, put the action item in the beginning of your spiel before you lose the listener. How are requests (asking someone to do something) or offers (asking someone if they want your service or product) influenced if we stop beating around the bush when we speak and Get to the Verb?

Who Are You Without What You Do? What Are Your Values? How Can You Connect Your Values With Purpose?

When we first meet someone or are getting to know someone new, we typically ask, what do you do?  And at least in American society, we typically measure someone by what he/she has accomplished within a commonly learned scope – their education, their profession, how much money they make, their net worth, how large and attractive is their home, do they have vacation homes, their travels, their spouse, their children and what their children do, have they headed up a company, written a best-selling book, drive an expensive car, are they physically very good-looking – sound familiar?

As a relatively new coach, my parents and certain relatives don’t ask – are you enjoying your profession?  Is it expressing who you really are? No, those are esoteric questions. They ask – are you making any money at that? How much are you charging? I can’t fault them. They were raised with a primary value and purpose – to provide for their families, mostly focused on financially.

I had a recent conversation with a friend who is in the midst of a life transition. Recently retired, a parent whose youngest is about to go to college – he is now looking to redefine himself and his life. His life has been based on his profession and being a good provider, all noble and very important roles.  So I challenged him as I challenge you reading this – what is your purpose without what you “do” or did? What values are the inherent you that you bring or could bring to being purposeful in this world?

Looking for More Joy in your Life? There is a four-letter word for that..... P L A Y!!

Remember the seeming suspension of time when you were playing as a kid?  Whether riding a bike, climbing trees, tinkering with something you took apart, playing dress-up, twirling in circles, or just laying on freshly cut grass while you identified objects in the clouds – you were happy and lost in the spiritually refueling world of PLAY!

I recently read the book “Play – How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul” by Stuart Brown.  I’m not an expert about the practices in other cultures, societies, countries, but I do know that more and more Americans are being raised and living with an all work, little play, ethic that is slowing strangling us.  Through studies, plus his own observations of thousands of clients, Dr. Brown emphasizes the crucial importance of play to the sustenance of our brains, to innovative thinking and creativity, to the nourishment of our souls and survival on this planet.

Even without such high goals as using play for generative leadership, let’s just take a look at bringing more JOY into our lives! 

Focus on Your Own Stuff (don’t look to other’s lives – build up your own)

The surest way to unhappiness for me is when I compare myself and the status of my life to others.  I have expended way too much energy and creativity in the past allowing myself to become disheartened and distracted by others’ success, when I could have been using all that focus and attention to creating my own.  Not that I wanted others not to have what they have – I have been happy for them and celebrate others’ successes.

However, as my friend Jules Price said – “When you observe something – does it inspire and motivate you to create it for yourself?  You think - that’s great; I want that in my life!  Or do you think, I’ll never have that.”  So you give up before you put the attention into making it happen for yourself.

What happens when your attention drifts to comparing yourself to others?  To their wealth, relationships, health/beauty, status, experiences, etc.  If you are motivated by this, then, great let it be your inspiration!  If you’re like me, then say good for them (and mean it), and then focus on your own stuff!

What do you want to create in your life?

What does your impossible future look like?

What motivates you?

How do you express gratitude every day for what you DO have in your life?
What small steps are you taking every day that bring you closer to what you are creating in your life?

Do you affirm each day, this is actually happening for me?

Not Meant to Be? Or Is It Manifesting Interference?

Nearly a decade ago, I was under contract to buy a very large, very expensive (for me) fixer-upper home outside of New York City. There were problems with the house and I negotiated back and forth for months. Finally a leak was found in the underground oil storage tank and the owners had it repaired against code, so I was able to cancel the deal and get my down payment back. I still lost thousands from paying the appraisal and the lawyer. During these negotiations, I received quite a bit of negative input from family, friends, and my boyfriend at the time. Comments were made about the size of the house, could I afford it, the repairs needed, the responsibility of that much property, etc. I was relieved when the deal fell through.

So here is a question I have pondered a lot throughout my life – when is something not happening because it’s “not meant to be,” and when is it not happening because the attention, effort, and energy you are putting into it is not clear or sufficient to work its “manifesting” magic? There is que sera, sera – what will be, will be, and then there is “where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Does it depend on the ease of the process? If you are working too hard to bring something about – the proverbial trying to put a square peg in a round hole – then listen and perhaps decide that it’s not meant to be? Or should you take a look at your process and if other people’s opinions and input may be mucking up the works? Who knows how large doses of “not” energy affect the outcome?

I say, YES. Notice BOTH. 

Conflict or Compassion

On Sunday afternoon, the moment I heard about the tragedy in Tucson, I called a friend who lives there to see if he was okay. He said he had been en route to hear Congresswoman Giffords speak – he got there just after the ambulances arrived.  I was thankful he was not there any earlier. When I called him, he was on his way into the V.A. hospital to join Native Americans who were about to hold a prayer service. In a moment of crisis in his own backyard he and others were quickly turning to compassion.

Conflict or Compassion – which do you choose, when, and for what purpose? Do you have the flexibility and the emotional intelligence to know the appropriateness for different situations?

How to Keep Your New Commitments

I think a New Year is a great time to take a look at commitments – not so much our ability to make commitments – but if and how we keep them. We all have the great intention of keeping our New Year’s resolutions, but we don’t necessarily equip ourselves with the skills to do so. Here are some blocks to look out for and some solutions to keeping our resolutions: