I think a New Year is a great time to take a look at commitments – not so much our ability to make commitments – but if and how we keep them. We all have the great intention of keeping our New Year’s resolutions, but we don’t necessarily equip ourselves with the skills to do so. Here are some blocks to look out for and some solutions to keeping our resolutions:
DON’TS:
Biting off more than we can chew. Literally and figuratively, when it comes to diet and exercise programs as well as all those other lofty and noble promises – promise to spend more time with your spouse and children; promise to call your parents more often; promise to relax more and smell the roses; promise to work harder at your career; promise to lighten up and enjoy life; promise to give more; promise to save more; promise to divide yourself into ten different yous and set off accomplishing everything on your very long list – too much will cause us to choke.
Collapsing into nothingness. When most of us are overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or just can’t make a decision – we tend to do nothing. And a
body at rest stays at rest, a body in motion stays in motion (however that Newton law goes).
The hypnotizing power of media. Television, movies, newspapers may all be a preferred choice for your relaxation and source for information, but really – take an honest look at how much time you spend in those realms and how much you really get out of it! Do I really need to see the same reruns of “Mash” and “Bewitched” again? How many times should I see “Back to the Future” before I call it quits for good and get back to creating my own future?
Status quo. Our bodies will do anything to keep certain status quo – body temperature, blood pH, sugar level – homeostasis/maintain stability. Our habits are no different. We’ve all heard the old it takes three weeks (21 days) to form a new habit. Well, I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping new commitments for three weeks, so I beg to differ about that turning three weeks into a new habit. A commitment needs to become an ongoing practice for it to bolster through the body’s (and mind’s) tendency to maintain same old, same old. And be on the lookout for roadblocks from others. When you change, even for the better, there may be family, friends, and co-workers around you who may not want you to change. They may be jealous; they may be afraid of being left behind; they may not want to take a look at themselves – that they may need to change or that you’ll want them to make new commitments too.
The distraction of multitasking. Research and common sense have shown that multitasking short circuits the brain, creating difficulty in focusing. Have you noticed how difficult it is nowadays to listen to anyone for more than one minute at a time? So imagine trying to focus on and keep your new commitments while juggling your usual ten things at a time!
DOS:
Take tiny steps. Our fight/flight/freeze response is evoked when our amygdala gland senses danger or threat. This response can kick in even when it senses change (aka New Commitments), since change is often perceived or felt as a threat. The alarm system sets parts of our body into action, and unfortunately, the brain shuts down non-essential functions, including rational and creative thinking. So, the amygdala may set off some alarm when we embark on any new challenge, opportunity, or desire that departs from our usual routine. If however, small non-threatening steps are taken over time, it bypasses the threat gland, and huge sweeping change is enabled cumulatively, step-by-step. This principal is elaborated on in the book “One Small Step Can Change Your Life – The Kaizen Way,” by Robert Maurer.
Use a reward system. Don’t underestimate the power of a reward system. Love that double mocha latte, extra crème, shot of espresso? As my dear departed uncle used to say – “you give me that, I’ll give you this”! Complete a step or two of your commitment BEFORE you allow yourself a reward. It used to work wonders with children decades ago when kids actually had rules and chores to accomplish.
Be gentle with yourself. If a child is learning to walk, you encourage him/her with each step. You don’t berate them for falling – “oh you fell, you’ll never walk. I can’t believe you fell again.” We know and understand that first pulling up, standing, letting go and holding on, testing our balance, one inch at a time, and falling a lot, are all part of the process. We actually encourage more throughout those steps – “hey, good! He/She took a step today!” So why do we expect to sprint right away in a new commitment? Encourage yourself as you would a beloved child.
Buddy up. “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, we can pretty much agree that when you have a shared commitment with two or more people, you are more likely to keep to that commitment. When I lived in New York City, a close neighbor friend Erin, a talented and avid painter/artist, and I would often buddy up – she would paint or draw in her apartment while I sang/rehearsed music in my apartment, for one or two hours. Then we would talk or meet up for a socializing reward, a very effective system.
Express gratitude. For every piece, step, pound, chapter, accomplishment of your commitments – notice them and give thanks to yourself, for others who helped you, and for whatever synchronistic phenomenon, easy or hard work it took to achieve that part of your commitment.
Whether simple or vast, new or carried over – I wish you great success and learning in your commitments for 2011!
Robin Fernandez
Nature of Being
Nature of Being
