On Sunday afternoon, the moment I heard about the tragedy in Tucson, I called a friend who lives there to see if he was okay. He said he had been en route to hear Congresswoman Giffords speak – he got there just after the ambulances arrived. I was thankful he was not there any earlier. When I called him, he was on his way into the V.A. hospital to join Native Americans who were about to hold a prayer service. In a moment of crisis in his own backyard he and others were quickly turning to compassion.
Conflict or Compassion – which do you choose, when, and for what purpose? Do you have the flexibility and the emotional intelligence to know the appropriateness for different situations?
Within the premise of coaching, you do not tell or advise your clients what to do, how to feel, how to act or react. It is your role to guide the coachees to deeper and more honest touch with themselves in what they need and want in their lives. To learn to be in choice whenever it is possible to be and do so. Questions are used in coaching to probe and provoke learning, observation, and personal growth. I invite you to observe yourself and your tendencies through the following questions:
Within the premise of coaching, you do not tell or advise your clients what to do, how to feel, how to act or react. It is your role to guide the coachees to deeper and more honest touch with themselves in what they need and want in their lives. To learn to be in choice whenever it is possible to be and do so. Questions are used in coaching to probe and provoke learning, observation, and personal growth. I invite you to observe yourself and your tendencies through the following questions:
What is “healthy” confrontation? How much confrontation is “too much”? At what point do confrontation methods become pathological? What is protection and what is paranoia? When we face someone who is in conflict with us, which is appropriate for the circumstances – a healthy boundary, holding our ground? A push back? Or simply to be understanding and compassionate?
One definition of conflict is “a state of disharmony between incompatible or diametrically opposed persons, ideas, or interests; a clash.”
A definition of compassion is “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.”
A definition of balance is “mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.” If this is true, then clearly, the shooter in Tucson was severely out of balance.
What each of us can do in the wake of this horrific incident is to look at ourselves.
Do you react to conflicts with healthy confrontation? Is your reaction inappropriate for a given circumstance? Is it bordering on pathological? How often do you choose compassion in your life? Do you have the ability to stand in another’s shoes and enact empathy, or do you escalate a situation to further conflict when compassion is a better choice?
Are you able to readily access balance in your life – the mental steadiness for good judgment and emotionally stable reactions, both in defending yourself (not giving yourself away) and in understanding the other person/group’s point of view?
Take a look in the coming weeks as the opportunities for conflict and
compassion arise. And welcome to the world of compassion for discovering
truths about yourself.
Robin Fernandez
Nature of Being
Nature of Being
