When we first meet someone or are getting to know someone new, we typically ask, what do you do? And at least in American society, we typically measure someone by what he/she has accomplished within a commonly learned scope – their education, their profession, how much money they make, their net worth, how large and attractive is their home, do they have vacation homes, their travels, their spouse, their children and what their children do, have they headed up a company, written a best-selling book, drive an expensive car, are they physically very good-looking – sound familiar?
As a relatively new coach, my parents and certain relatives don’t ask – are you enjoying your profession? Is it expressing who you really are? No, those are esoteric questions. They ask – are you making any money at that? How much are you charging? I can’t fault them. They were raised with a primary value and purpose – to provide for their families, mostly focused on financially.
I had a recent conversation with a friend who is in the midst of a life transition. Recently retired, a parent whose youngest is about to go to college – he is now looking to redefine himself and his life. His life has been based on his profession and being a good provider, all noble and very important roles. So I challenged him as I challenge you reading this – what is your purpose without what you “do” or did? What values are the inherent you that you bring or could bring to being purposeful in this world?
Identify your values and then list possible purposes through which you may bring these to good use in your circle of the world. Perhaps you value showing compassion to others, and you “are” this value by being a good listener to your family, friends, and colleagues. That is a way of being that transcends your education, any profession, the number of acronyms after your name, your financial status, your accomplishments as others define them, how old you think you look, etc.
I am not saying to shun what we traditionally align with success and abundance – on the contrary. I am suggesting that you open up to ALL success and abundance, and base it around your way of being, instead of just your doing. If you discover and focus on who you really are – you will experience greater abundance and satisfaction no matter what appears to go on around you. In this way, your purpose in life will be shifted such that you can establish that as your touchstone throughout any changes in your life. Furthermore, you can look for opportunities, careers, and relationships that match to your values.
If you value being a good provider or you value your keen sense of humor or you value your ability to be calm or enthusiastic – you can sustain those qualities no matter what your circumstances are throughout your life. Those qualities, those values, are who you really are despite whatever you may or may not “do.” As we ride out the ups and downs of our lives – our values and the marvelous way we weave them into our life’s purpose is what ultimately defines our lives and makes life worth living. Who are you really? And how can you bring more of who you are into your life everyday?
Robin Fernandez
Nature of Being
